Re: you guys aren't going to believe some of these! (fwd)

[Joel Gunderson <jgunders@cioe.com>]

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Joel Gunderson                                     jgunders@winstar.com
Winstar Broadband Services Technical Support             1-800-947-2463
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---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Fri, 15 Oct 1999 11:22:23 -0500 (EST)
From: Scott Jarrett <viggo@laf.cioe.com>
To: Rachel Jarratt <rjarratt@iss.purdue.edu>
Cc: tech@cioe.com
Subject: Re: you guys aren't going to believe some of these!



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Scott W. Jarratt                              viggo@tek.cioe.com	
Winstar Broadband Services tech. support      1-800-947-2463
not so famous quote                "Oh, we have such sites to show You!"
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On Fri, 15 Oct 1999, Rachel Jarratt wrote:

> 1999 DARWIN AWARDS
> 
> Ok folks...here they are...Finalists and a few Runners-Up.
> 
> ENJOY!!!!!
> 
> 
> Yes, here it is again...the Finalists of the 1999 Darwin Awards!
> For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware  of the Darwin
> Awards; these awards are given annually  (and posthumously) to those
> individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing
> themselves from it.
> 
> GRAVITY KILLS
> 
> A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday  after he tried to use
> 
> 'occy' straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to
> bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County
> police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
> straps
> together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
> trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
> Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was
> alone
> because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
> assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
> ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was
> "major
> trauma." An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.
> 
> LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
> 
> Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the upcoming Fourth of July
> holiday and wanted to apparently test fire some fireworks. Their only
> real
> problem was that their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a
> several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly
> enough, some fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles.
> They
> were launched several hundred feet into the air and were found dead 250
> yards from their respective seats.
> 
> DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT
> 
> A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas when a
> lightning storm hit the lake. Most of the other boats immediately headed
> 
> for the shore, but not our friend the lawyer. On the rear of his
> aluminum
> bass boat with his buddies, this individual stood up, spread his arms
> wide
> (crucifixion style) and shouted:  "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!"
> Needless to say, God delivered. The other two passengers on the boat
> survived the lightning strike with minor burns.
> 
> CATCH!
> 
> A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but
> there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a
> friend
> were playing catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what happened from
> here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate) was hospitalized.
> 
> THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU
> 
> Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies
> nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by
> 
> his cell-phone, more or less. He was doing the usual "walking and
> talking"
> when he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep
> that
> in
> mind the next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.
> 
> GIMME A LIGHT!
> 
> In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the
> smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing
> 
> all potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc. After the building
> 
> had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
> dispatched.
> Upon
> entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
> dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
> described the vision of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket
> and
> retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the
> lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
> of it
> 
> up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
> lighter
> was
> virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected
> of causing the explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by his
> peers.
> 
> RUNNER UPS... KRAZY-GLUE RHINO
> 
> Although he didn't kick the bucket (hence runner-up), the following
> story
> receives an Honorable Mention. A Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found
> himself in a difficult position yesterday. While touring the Eagle's
> Rock
> African Safari (Zoo) with a group of thespians from St. Petersburg,
> Russia,
> Mr. Demuth went overboard to show them one of America's many marvels.
> He demonstrated the effectiveness of "Crazy Glue" the hard way.
> Apparently,
> Mr. Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was, so he
> put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
> jokingly
> placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino. The rhino, a resident of
> 
> the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not initially startled as it
> has
> been
> part of the petting exhibit since its arrival as a baby. However, once
> it
> became aware of its being involuntarily stuck to Mr.. Demuth, it began
> to
> panic and ran around the petting area wildly making Mr.. Demuth an
> unintended passenger. "Sally [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well
> lately.
> She had been very constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some
> 
> depressants to relax her bowels, when Mr.. Demuth played his juvenile
> prank," said James Douglass, caretaker. During Sally's tirade two fences
> 
> were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, and a number of small animals
> escaped.  Also, during the stampede, three pygmy goats and one duck were
> 
> stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a team of medics and zoo
> caretakers' to remove his hands from her buttocks. First, the animal had
> to
> be captured and calmed down. However, during this process the laxatives
> began to take hold and Mr. Demuth was repeatedly showered with over 30
> gallons of rhino diarrhea. "It was tricky. We had to calm her down,
> while
> at the same time shield our faces from being pelted with rhino dung. I
> guess you could say that Mr. Demuth was into it up to his neck. Once she
> 
> was under control, we had three people with shovels working to keep an
> air
> passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to tranquilize her and apply a
> 
> solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass. "I don't
> think
> he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while." Meanwhile, the Russians,
> while obviously amused, also were impressed with the power of the
> adhesive.
> "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of course they can't take it
> to
> the zoo," commented Vladimir Zolnikov, leader of the troupe.
> 
> CLEANER POLISHES OFF PATIENTS
> 
> Even though the cleaning lady in this story didn't die (another
> runner-up
> since she doesn't qualify), she greatly aided several in hastening their
> 
> trip to see the Almighty.. "For several months, our nurses have been
> baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning" a
> spokes woman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told
> reporters. "There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and
> extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for
> possible
> bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However, further
> inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths... "It seems that
> every Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the
> plug
> that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher
> into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had
> finished
> her chores, she would plug the life support machine back in and leave,
> unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear
> the
> death rattle and eventual solid beep over the whirring of her polisher."
> 
> "We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in question.
> 
> Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department is arranging for
> an
> electrician to fit an extra socket, so there should be no repetition of
> this incident. The inquiry is now closed."
> 
> 
> 
> 
>